Sorry I have to get this off my chest.
2007-12-31 18:57:35I am having a horrible spell now. My toes are swollen and it hurts
to wear shoes, walk, drive, do anything. My hands ache. My whole
body feels like it has been hit by a train or something. I can't
sleep at night it is so bad. I know it takes a while for the mtx to
kick in but who has patience when they are in constant pain? My doc
increased my prednisone to 15 mg a day and told me that if taking 1
darvocet at a time doesn't help take two. I feel like a junkie for
eating so many pills but what can I do?!?! Something has to give. A
person can't live like this. I keep telling myself that things could
be worse. I am not going to die or anything and I know that there
are people that are much worse off than me but I am too young to feel
this bad. I don't mean to whine but it is just not fair!! God, I
just wish I could have a vacation from my body. Some days it is not
so bad. Sometimes I feel almost functional and then it hits me like
a swift punch in the face. Next thing I know I am lying face down in
the mud and I can't pull myself up. I am not feeling sorry for
myself - I am just so angry. Sorry I needed to vent for a moment. I
know stress can make this condition worse and I am under a bus load
of it (isn't everyone). I try not to worry too much but I can't help
it - something always comes up. It seems like just when I think I am
getting ahead something knocks me back down. I just miss my old
life. My friends don't understand why I don't want to go out
anymore. Sometimes I think they take it personally. I just don't
feel like doing anything. Well thanks for listening.
Leslie
Leslie