I believe that attitude is everything. Well... I'm lucky because I
only have small p spots on my body, most of the worst is hidden
on my scalp (though I am self conscious about my "dandruff").
So I can't speak about that. But as far as the pa is concerned,
I'm very matter-of-fact about it.
For example, I was sitting with a new guy this past weekend who
was looking at my feet and said "do you wear shoes that are too
tight?" cause the bottom joints of my big toes stick out to the
side. I said "naaah, that's just from my arthritis" (which he
already knew about). I was a little self conscious, but hey, it's not
like everyone without pa has beautiful feet, and at least I have an
excuse! hee hee hee.
Really though, when I meet someone, whether or not there's
romantic interest my arthritis usually comes up pretty quickly. It's
either during a meal: "I don't eat nightshades or citrus" "why?"
"they aggravate my arthritis..." or it's when talking about
recreation "no I don't do any high impact sports" sort of thing. I
figure, when you're connecting with someone it's because you
share common interests, so our limitations really aren't very
important. Unless the person you're getting to know feels that
they can't date you unless you participate with them in *all* their
interests... but I don't like people like that so it doesn't come up
for me.
I'm a true believer in self confidence and attitude. If you feel good
about who you are then the people around you feel good, if you
consider yourself to be attractive and desirable then others will
too. Sometimes it's hard, even little things like I don't like having
to tell someone to walk slower cause I can't keep up, but I just
maintain the attitude that it's no big deal. Don't worry about
people rejecting you - *you* have power, you might decide to
reject them. You can even treat the pa or p like a test to weed out
the losers who can't see past it - wouldn't you rather know right
away that someone is shallow, or at best, ok but incompatible
with you?
Also, I'm a pretty independent woman and somewhat of a radical
feminist and I think my male friends and lovers really enjoy that
they get to do 'traditional' manly things for me, like work around
the house or carrying a 20 lb bag of kitty litter from the store or
whatever. What's worse - or even harder for me - is that I'm an
*engineer*. I can fix my own damn plumbing! Well, I could, if I
didn't have arthritis... so once I got over the need to prove myself,
I've been enjoying getting people to do stuff for me. I let myself
feel like a spoiled rather than a helpless princess. It's attitude -
"I'll let you take care of me sometimes" rather than "I can't
function without you".
Sorry about the super long response. Let me know if I should
post shorter messages in the future.
[Ed. Note: mikea93, long well thought out messages are heartily welcomed! We get
far too many unnecessary postings of the "Me to" variety that have no
information content whatever. There is no upper limit (that I'm aware of) on the
length of messages that can be posted here, nor on the amount of messages we can
have in our archives, so please feel free to write a novel if you wish. Ah, a
lady engineer - where were you when I was younger and unmarried! (I'm an
engineer too). Ron]